Responsibility

The days went by, my mother taking care of me in the daytime, Sherri providing the care at night. When my father met Sherri, he liked her immediately. He could make her laugh and blush which gave him a big kick. And as the days went by, I became accustomed to the new routine. And despite my early fears, I was not smitten by any plague or disaster, and I continued to heal. Eventually, I was allowed to walk a bit, and I was able to get out of the apartment. I began a slow shuffle around the complex where I lived. I had not seen it though I'd lived there for a month. I found that my apartment was not far from the pool, and so in the cool afternoons, I would sit in the warm sunlight and listen to the outside world come drifting on the breezes. There was rarely anyone else there during the week, so I would sit and think without thinking amid the whirling images that swept by one after another.

"You are really healing up," my mother told me. "I didn't think a hole that big could ever heal." And one afternoon on my weekly trip to the doctor, he asked me, "How are you feeling?" And in a throw away line, I told him, "Fine. Good." "Well," he said, "I think you can start moving around now. You will still need to do the Sitz baths in the morning and at night, but you can get back to doing the things you were doing before."

Just like that, I was free. Or my mother was. She would no longer have to come to the apartment every day to play nurse. All that was required now, I could do myself.

I didn't know how I felt. I would no longer be cared for. I would do all the things life required once again. I would cook and clean and do dishes. I would resume my studies.

And I would have to go out with Sherri.

I hadn't seen this coming somehow. Oh, it was nice having her there with me alone in the night, just the two of us, but now what? I had not wanted a girlfriend, I thought, at least not like this. There would be responsibilities, duties. I would have to take her around to my friends. What else? I wasn't sure. I hadn't had a girlfriend since I'd gotten a car. I'd barely had a date. I wasn't certain what all this entailed.

But Sherri was thrilled at the news. We wouldn't be shut up in the apartment any more. We could go shopping and to movies. I could come over and meet her family.

My god, I wondered, what had I done? I wasn't certain, but I knew what I would have to do.