Gomorrha

The strip clubs of New Orleans were not much different than the strip clubs at home. A little tamer, really, which was a surprise. Maybe we hadn't found the good ones. We tromped into a few and sat down and bought the expensive beer and watched awhile as bored women, mostly older than we expected and mostly not built for the job they were doing, danced on stages and tabletops, and always at a distance.

We were back in the street deciding what to do when we walked past the door of another strip club. I stuck my head inside. There was a large stage that ran along the right wall of the bar with curtains and lights--it looked like a theater or an old burlesque club. Onstage was the most beautiful woman I'd seen all night bumping and grinding around to a mostly empty house.

"Hey, Vladi, we've got to go in here. This is what we've been looking for." Vladi looked at me blankly and pointed to a sign beside the doorway. It advertised girls named Bobby and Joe and Chuck.

I looked back in the doorway. The blonde was just taking off her top.

"Look in there, Vladi. See those? That ain't a guy."

Vladi shook his head. "I don't know. I'm just reading the sign. There aren't many people in there."

"C'mon, let's go in," I said. "I'm telling you, that's the prettiest woman I've seen all night."

Inside the club we sat at a table a little bit back from the stage and closer to the door in a gesture, perhaps, to show that we were not really taking part in whatever we were about to do. A beautiful waitress came over to get our drink orders.

"See! You think that's a guy?"

"I don't know," Vladi said. "She doesn't look like one."

The waitress brought us our drinks and we sat back to watch the show. The blonde was replaced by another dancer, equally pretty. In a little while, I saw her sauntering across the floor to our table.

"Hello, honey," she said standing over me. She had to be over six feet tall. A brunette had joined her and was standing over Vladi. "Y'all want to buy us a drink?" I swear, she looked like a Miss America contestant. She looked like she had won.

"Sure, sure," I said, repeating myself, and with that, the big blonde threw herself into my lap. The brunette sat next to Vladi.

"Jesus, you're beautiful," I blurted out. "Jesus." She laughed and pulled my head into her breasts and gave me a big squeeze.

"You're sweet," she said.

But just then, a squabble broke out near the door. The waitress was in an argument with two fellows who were trying to leave, but the waitress was upset that they hadn't given her a tip. I heard someone yell, "fuck you" and then the big blonde was off my lap making her way to the door, the brunette right behind her. They both charged the men as if they were ready to fight. I noticed that they looked bigger than the fellows who were trying to leave.

"Here you cheap cocksucker," yelled the blonde taking a handful of money and throwing it into one of the men's face, "you need this more than we do." I noticed her voice seemed a lot lower and she wasn't moving so much like a girl any longer. The men looked scared as they backed out the door into the street.

I turned to Vladi. "What the hell. . . ?" Vladi was looking at me with big eyes.

"I told you," he said.

"They've got titties!" I yelled. Vladi just shook his head bringing his ears toward his shoulders.

"I don't know."

"Maybe they used to be guys? Maybe they had that operation to make them girls," I said. Vladi said nothing. "I mean, they were always girls, right?"

I thought I had it now.

In a little bit the two came back over to the table.

"Sorry, honey. Some guys are just assholes, you know?"

Just then, a fellow sitting at the front of the stage started hooting and hollering in some language I didn't understand. I laughed. It was clear he was urging the girl on the stage to show him more.

"Those Cajuns are rowdy," said the blonde. She was sitting on me again and had her mouth close to my ear. Her hand was rubbing my thigh and I could feel myself getting warm.

"Goddamn your pretty," I said again. "I don't think that rube up their knows what's going on."

"Oh, honey," the blonde laughed, "most people don't. There was a fellow in her last night who paid me fifty dollars to see mine."

"What?" I said with surprise suddenly going cold.

"Yea, and mine was bigger than his."

I looked at Vladi like I'd seen a ghost. His brunette laughed.

"Oops, I'm up," said the blonde. "I'll be back." She gave me a kiss as she left. The brunette went with her.

"Jesus Christ," I said to Vladi, "that girl's got a dick!"

"I heard."

"I swear to God, Vladi, I was in love. She was the prettiest woman I'd ever met."

Vladi began to laugh and shake his head. "I wouldn't go telling that around," he chuckled. "You fell in love with a hermaphrodite."

"Well you liked them, too," I said. I had to pee, but I was afraid now to walk to the bathroom.

"You want to stay or go," Vladi said with a twinkle and a smirk.

"We'd better get out before she gets off stage. We'd better leave a good tip, too. What time is it?"

Vladi looked at his diver's watch with the numerals that glowed in the dark. "Two," he said. "I guess it's too late to go to the hoodoo sacrifice."

I didn't want to go anywhere but to bed. I'd had too much to drink. I couldn't remember if we'd eaten.

"Let's go back to the hotel," I said.

Back in the street, everything looked as it had before. The crowds were bigger than ever, people yelling and screaming and waving big drink cups around.

"New Orleans," I said.

"Yup. New Orleans."