Existential Humor

I spent part of my morning trying to find existential jokes on the internet.  I thought it would be easy, and I needed some of that kind of humor.  I remember one.

A man sees his friend walking down the street.

"Hey, Pierre, how are you doing."

"Not so well," Pierre replies.  "My mother died at eight this morning."

"Did you say eight o'clock?'

Don't know why, but that one always picks me up.  Maybe I'm looking for something this morning because I went to a wake yesterday.  Open casket.  Awful.  I knew the fellow, but the guy in the casket could have been a thousand other people.  Why do they do that?  We sat in pews for awhile, looking, I guess.  Fortunately for me, I was sitting next to a reformed preacher.  I mean, he is no longer a believer.  But he presided over hundreds of funerals, so I let him be my guide.  Fortunately, the family was all on some overly-powerful anti-depressants, so they were fairly happy, feet not quite touching the floor, their left eyes all pointed at the moon.  They should have been passing those out, I think.  At least I could have used one.  I can never go to a funeral without seeing myself lying there in the casket.  In an empty room lacking adornment.  Perhaps one paltry flower arrangement.  I've been to those kinds, too.

After forty-five minutes or so, I said goodbye and made my escape.  The funeral is tonight.  I don't know.

I did find some funny jokes online, but they were not really existential.  The closest was Woody Allen's famous, "I got kicked out of NYU for cheating.  On my metaphysical exam I got caught looking into the soul of the fellow sitting next to me."

My favorite, though, was from Steven Wright.

"You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?"

Exactly.