Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Pathology of Being Alone




I think my trip to the Neu Gallerie this summer had an effect on my images.  Some of them seem right out of the Weimar Republic.  Of course, I flatter myself.  I have one more "shoot" and then the project is over.  Done.  I will work with the images awhile and think about what to do next.  I don't want to work with people right now.  It drains me.  I am anxious for twenty-four hours before "the shoot."  Afterwards, I am exhausted.  It is difficult to meet people, I think.  I tend to stay to myself mostly, so it takes a monumental effort for me to say, "May I take your photograph."  It is always a scary (ad)venture.  I'd like to photograph tools or something else inanimate.  I'm not really interested in such imagery that much.  I'm just worn out.  Like Greta Garbo, I want to be alone.

Which may be a bad sign in itself.  Is there some pathology at work when what you look forward to most is coming home to dinner alone with a movie or a book or some small creation?  Last night, for instance, I came home to eat and watch the first episode of the new season of "Mad Men" that I missed the night it aired.  I downloaded it onto my MacBook and watched it on the laptop with earbuds in place.  And I thought it tremendous fun.  I am afraid that I will become a misanthrope.  I will have to be very careful.  I don't want to become too much like that Sebastian character in "Blade Runner."

4 comments:

  1. I recently finished a large project (6+ years), too. The depression that settled over me in the aftermath has only recently lifted. I have no advice.

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  2. If it is a disease I have it too...maybe it's contagious and I can blame it on you... :)

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  3. B, Six years is a long time. Must have been like a rebirth. As always, the best advice is. . . .

    R, I'm only a carrier, but I've been called an enabler, so there's that.

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