Northern states like Minnesota and Illinois have been hotter than the southern state where I live. Both are enjoying the weather, of course, but I don't trust it. It is unseasonable. You don't get anything for nothing. I, like you, would love to think that you can, but we know better. It is like the "Free Orange Juice" signs you used to see when you crossed the border into Florida. A few minutes later, you'd have agreed to look at condos in Ft. Meyers. Or worse.
But that has nothing to do with what I wanted to tell, if there was anything I wanted to tell at all. Yesterday was beautiful and last night I was to attend a cocktail party. Per usual, though, the darker it got, the less desire I had to get dressed and go out. Rather, I got down a bunch of photo books and put them in a pile on the floor by the chair and poured through the pictures looking for something. Beer turned to wine turned to whiskey in a brief period. Not too much, though, and I sat lordly in my chair truly enjoying my leisure. Once into what passes for my pajamas, I was done for. By nine o'clock, I knew bed was in my near future.
I worry and wonder about this. I don't seem to have much need for people any more. Maybe for half an hour or so if it is not too demanding. I don't want to hang around and chit-chat. It wears me out. Meeting for sushi is O.K. if the people I am with don't need to go any further than that. Eating or going for a drink alone, though, is fine. I get just about enough chit-chat from the bartenders and waitresses and occasionally customers to satisfy me. And the entire time, I'm thinking of how to turn it into something, a story or an essay. I'm not really interested in the actual event at all. The writer Jim Harrison once said there came a point in his life where he didn't know if he was thinking or writing. Perfect.
Active living. The act of living. I must think on this. I must ponder.
These last two photos are like scrumptious, dark velvet. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI watched a movie that sort of epitomized that "the act of living" thing for me -- or maybe it was more art as life/life as art - not sure -- it was "Coco Chanel and Igor Stravinsky."
I didn't think I loved the movie until I dreamed it all night. I knew the architecture and interior design slayed me but the movie sort of crept up on me.
I've always imagined myself being in the audience of that first Rite of Spring concert in Paris -- I know what a dork huh? I like to think I would have "gotten it."
I don't like people much anymore either which is odd because I have always been deemed as being good at the Chit Chat Scene. Ick. What a faker I am. The older I get - the more "no's" I RSVP and feel no guilt about.
I've been the same way...avoiding other people unless coerced and made to feel like a hermit if I don't acquiesce...when all I really want is to fly solo most of the time! But I feel the act of living should include others, shouldn't it? A head-scratching enigma...hope your pondering leads you somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud at the condos in Ft. Myers line...And I wasn't sure about your darkened pictures yesterday but today I approve...who knows about tomorrow?
Thank you both for your comments on the photos. I'm still trying to decide, but I think they will look good as encaustic works. If they do, I'll send you each something for your support. I am just starting, but I think there will be some inanimate forms as well.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for not going out as often nor enjoying it as much, too. I want to feel that it is O.K., that it is the right thing for the times. "Times Being What They Are. . . . "