The Bait With Which You Fish

I don't recommend going to see "Black Swan."  It was a rather adolescent account of obsession and madness, I thought.  It could have been good if it had been treated differently.  The dance imagery was nice and now I want to photograph ballet dancers.  To wit, I've bid for a new lens on eBay that will change the way I shoot.  I'll know if I win it in about a week.  If I get it, I will begin a new series of portraits, a knock-off of Irving Penn's fabulous "Small Trades."  I don't think I will do mine in the studio, though.  I've been pondering this project for a while, but I will have to get very brave to do it.  I've been trying to notice people who still wear uniforms in their jobs any longer.  Mostly, I've noticed working men.  Approaching them with the proposition that I would like to make their portrait is very, very daunting, and I think to hire an assistant who would set everything up.  Female.  Youngish.  Somebody they might not reject out of hand.  Youngish females are able to do so many things that I am not.  We are at the antipodes of existence.  Yes, I will employ one for this, I'm sure.  If I don't, if I do this all on my own, I will be my own hero.  I did the surfer series by myself.  I don't know how now.  I remember that it really wore me out.  But there was a sort of groove I got into, a trancelike state in which I wasn't myself but something else.  It was almost as if I were watching everything take place.  The more I think about it, the less likely it seems I will do this project, but I must.  I must.  I can see it in my mind's eye--celery pickers, welders, gas station attendants in gas stations that still pump your gas (are there any left?), chefs, firemen. . . shot with a 4x5 camera.  Perhaps I will need to purchase some portable strobes.  I know the ones, small things at a very high price.  But they would look right, like a Shelby Adams portrait (here's his setup).

There is a new year coming.  I can't help but think about it though I try not to.  The beautiful girl who came to my door that night, the promise of the season, never returned.  Not her nor anyone else.  But I am setting about making my life more appealing.  Yes, I think, one must be appealing.  The trick is to know your audience.  My friend used to say, "Be careful what bait you fish with.  It will determine what you catch."  I'm going to try to appeal to myself a bit more.  I know, I know. . . but what can one do?