Shut-In

photo by Ekaterina Grigorieva

I have developed "shut-in syndrome."  It has been a week, and I have no desire to leave my house.  I tried. I went shopping once.  I tried going to the bookstore, but it made me irritated and dizzy.  I came home and took a long nap.  I went to my mother's house last night for dinner with her and her sister who is visiting.  It was rather a command performance.  I just wanted to go home.

The thought of interacting with people again doesn't appeal to me.  I've been O.K. sitting here with books and a computer and my guitar.  Maybe the cat helps.  It scares me how content I've been.

I looked the syndrome up on the internet.  I found this same thing over and over again.

"[A] recent study out of Brigham Young University finds that having strong social relationships—connections to friends, family, neighbors and colleagues—improves your odds of survival by 50 percent. And failing to cultivate such relationships does more damage to your health than lack of exercise or obesity and just as much damage as smoking and alcoholism.

The key to healthy relationships, say the researchers, is the feeling that you are connected to a group. It creates a sense of responsibility for others and provides a sense of life meaning and purpose. You might gain this sense by joining a club—such as the local Rotary or Lion's Club. You might cultivate it by becoming active in local politics. Or it might be as simple as really getting to know your neighbors."

Apparently, I am shortening my life.  Having just failed a relationship, I am not eager for more.  Perhaps I did hope that the beautiful woman with the wonderful bangs who came to my door before I got sick would come back and save me.  O.K.  I did.  And I guess I do.  Perhaps it is only relationships of a certain kind that I hope for.  Maybe I have sequestered myself out of spite.

I will force myself out of the house today.  My coffee maker quit making coffee, so I will buy a new one.  That is not developing "healthy relationships," I know, but it will force me into some sort of interpersonal interaction.

I am dreaming again, though, while awake.  Travel.  My current international list includes Cuba, Morocco, and this morning, I added Bulgaria to the list after reading a travel piece at CNN online.  I'd like to go back to Paris and Barcelona again, too.  Domestically--I'm leaving that up to you.  I want to go to events and festivals.  After watching the series, and since I love carnivals, I want to go to Atlantic City (never been).  State Fairs.  Crab Festivals.  Whatever.  I'm going to hope you will keep me informed.  I'll be the boy with the camera.