Hopes and Expectations

(photo by Sarah Moon)

Like most people, I seem to be on a losing streak right now.  The more I think about it, though, this is the result of some Hopes and Expectations.  Perhaps you have suffered from that as well.  It is a matter of wanting.  Desire and Frustration.  How could I forget that?  A little desire, a little success, a greater desire, and then the expectation that it will somehow be fulfilled.  I think that's the pattern.  And then the script is written.  Bits and bites in the foreground, randomness behind.  Suddenly you are defining success in ways you had previously rejected.  Perhaps, you think, you should listen more to the accumulated wisdom.  Other people seem to do well with it.  But we are not like Other People, are we?  And there's the beginning of the Big Lie we tell ourselves.  I'm speaking to a specialized audience here, not the crowd of dolts we deride.  Nope, by Jesus, we are Special.  We have Special Talents.  And the Biggest Danger is that they get recognized or even (our holy savior) rewarded.  A little.  Not like the asses who REALLY succeed, but enough to make us think we are the next best thing.  At least with the neighbor's daughter or some uptown bar for hip locals.  Any little goddamned thing.

When do I quit forgetting that?  How old do you have to get to quit forgetting that?

Otherwise, there is no failing at all.