Giving Verbal

I must have been drunk when I wrote what follows.  I realize that it is not the equinox tonight, but the full moon.  The Full Strawberry Moon.  The equinox is not for another few days.  Another symptom.  Another sign.

*     *     *     *    *

I sit in the dark now, the sun setting so slowly, tomorrow night the Eternal Carnal Vernal Equinox.  Thunder rumbles all around with occasional flashes of lightning.  But no rain.  It is bone dry and humid now, brush fires surrounding the area.  There is smoke if the wind blows right.  But I've grilled chicken and steamed broccoli and made a salad and eaten it all with beer and wine.  And now, scanning Polaroids like a loser idiot, I am drinking scotch.

An email comes in from someone I once did(n't) give everything for.  I must be careful.  She comes here occasionally.  She is in town.  She writes to see if I want to have a drink.  I am drinking, I write back.  Why can't she use the goddamned phone.  Nobody uses a telephone to make a call any more.  It is too much of a commitment.  It is too probable that you will be drawn into a conversation, asked questions, prevented from creating the abbreviated propaganda that you wish.

I guess it is a bit of an abbreviated blog, too, which is an abbreviation of something else.  Living life in shorthand.

Shit.  She knows where I live, of course.  I was once more sophisticated.  I live like an animal now, or so it seems.  I sit in my boxers and a t-shirt with another scotch at my wrist.  She works in the center of the fashion world in Manhattan.  Can't worry about that now.  The hogs are greased and out of the pen.  It's every man for himself.

A car drives by.  I jump.

It matters little, I guess.  I was caught in a towel this morning when the vet came to give the cat her shots.  Yes, the vet comes to the house.  She charges for it, too.  So I came running in a towel, all shoulders, pecs, arms and whiskey gut.  I think I scared her good.  Once, so long ago, she wanted to take me to Africa.  I didn't go.  The woman in town just now was the reason.  I think she was twelve then.

But that is another story.  What was it I meant to say?

Nothing.

I must give credit.  The title was suggested by the former twelve year old.  It is something she no longer performs.