Blase

Originally Posted Tuesday, January 29, 2013

This weekend, after finishing up the shoot with the fitness model, I was sitting in the studio with the door open finishing my glass of wine and just unwinding from the energy of the shoot when a fellow walked up. 

"Is it O.K. if we park here," he asked? 

I looked out and he was parked behind my car. 

"No," I said simply. 

"Oh."  He turned to someone in the car.  "He says we can't park here." 

He mumbled other things that I didn't catch.  Then he turned back to me. 

"Are you a photographer?" 

"Yup." 

I guess he'd gathered that from all the pictures on the wall.  I was feeling bad for telling him he couldn't park there so curtly, so I started chatting with him.  Then a boy, about ten, walked up. 

"We just had some pictures made of him by a friend who is a photographer," he said. 

"Really."

"Yea.  I guess we figured. . . maybe. . . ." 

Then a girl of twelve walked up.  She had the cell phone to her ear.  She said something to her father then said something to the phone.  Apparently mom was having a hard time finding a parking spot.  I pointed to the curb of the street in front of the studio.

"She can park right here," I said. 

"That's O.K.?  They don't mind?" 

I wasn't sure who "they" were, but I told him it was fine. 

"D'you like to model," I asked the little boy?  He waved his hand back and forth in the universal comme ci, comme ca motion.  I looked at the little girl.  "You?" 

She scrunched up her mouth and shook her head no.  I paid no attention. 

"Come here," I told them and walked through the doors into the studio.  I grabbed my camera and flicked on the strobes.  "Stand here."  They did as I said and dad stood to the side watching.  Pop.  Pop. 

"O.K.  Turn your head this way."  Pop.  "Now don't move your head, but cut your eyes to me."  Pop.  One then the other. 

Just then mom walked in.  "Hey," I said.

She smiled and said I had a cool place.  We chatted.  She was a hair dresser.  I told them if they wanted to leave an email address, I would send them the pictures of their kids. 

Later that night, I went home and cooked them up and sent them on with a note.  I had an idea for a shoot if they were interested. 

That was Saturday.  I'm still waiting to hear back.  When I do, I'll post the pictures for you to see.  You will be amazed at what I can do in under five minutes. 

By now, though, I've given up on the idea. 

*     *     *     *     *     *

Since the new year began, I've been living a healthier lifestyle.  I'm not working at night and have quit shooting in the studio for the most part.  I have quit advertising for models (it is like quitting heroin, I imagine), so I have little temptation.  After work, I go to the gym.  I've begun running on a regular basis and have taken to the elliptical machine in the gym even though I feel like a whack job doing it.  O.K.  This is getting boring.  Next I'll be amazing you with heart rate statistics. . . but I'm going to finish.  There is a point to this.  Each night after the gym, I go to Whole Foods and buy vittles to fix for dinner, good, healthy stuff.  And last night, I quit drinking. . . almost.  But I only had one before bed.  And I drank a gallon of water (or so it seemed).  Hydrated, aerobically tuned, I went to bed early thinking how great a human being I would become. 

And I woke in the night feeling hydrated and healthy and there were no nightmares at all.  I snuggled down deeper into the bedding and felt healthy.  And bored.  "I have no passion right now," I thought.  "What am I excited about?  What is it I love?"  I couldn't find answers to either question. 

The song, "You're Blase" kept running through my head. 

I woke this morning feeling healthy and fit.  I'm going to lose weight.  I'll look young again.  I'll spend money on fixing up the house. 

You're deep just like a chasm,
You've no enthusiasm.
You're tired and uninspired, 
You're blase.