Finally Film

Originally Posted Friday, May 31, 2013

When I got back into my own hometown today, I stopped to pick up the black and white film I had dropped off.  I had it developed, sleeved, and had proof sheets made.  I'd shot most of the film so long ago, I had no idea what was on it.  When the lady at the desk handed it to me, I opened it up and almost fell down.  The first page was of Women in Love.  I'd shot two women (who had never met until that day), umm, errr, getting to know one another.  Jesus.  I started looking around for the police.  I never drop this sort of thing off at the photo store.  Well, now I've done it.  I have a reputation.  Not even YOU see this sort of imagery.  I try to be as demure as possible. 

But finally--some black and white film.  This comes from my cool Mamiya 6 medium format rangefinder camera.  I don't know why I don't shoo with this all the time.  It is sooooo cool.  I took this image a week ago at the sushi restaurant on the Full Strawberry Super Moon.  I don't know why the staff kept telling this girl she was beautiful.  Lying Asians, I suggest.  This is a straight scan with only some level and contrast corrections.  Documentary style.  Isn't it refreshing after all those women on the couch?  I know which half of you this will please and which it will bore.  Balance.  That is what I'm striving for.  That is the secret to life. 

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Oops!  I hit "Publish" instead of "Preview" last night.  I didn't mean to put this up until this morning.  I was just excited to get the picture up after I scanned it, but I hadn't really finished writing.  I'm not even certain I would have published the first paragraph this morning.  C'est la vie. 

I have felt strange for days, very muzzy and tired and off-kilter.  I have glands in my neck and armpits that are slightly swollen and sore, always a scary sign.  When I drove back into town yesterday, I felt as if I'd just gone to a new city.  Weirdly, I enjoyed this feeling thinking I might see things anew.  The yardman had coifed the lawn and the maids/wrecking crew had cleaned the house.  The cat rushed out the door when I walked into the house and wanted nothing to do with me.  As soon as I had unpacked, I took off my clothes and lay upon the fresh bed and fell into a deep sleep for over an hour.  I woke mid-afternoon thinking of what I needed to do and then paring the list down as much as possible until it was really hardly anything at all. I don't want to do anything.  I just want to walk and read and think.  I want to take pictures with film cameras of people I don't know and things juxtaposed in aesthetic if nonsensical ways.  I want to watch another series that C.C. told me about--"Copper"--and go to bed early. 

I love being a "stranger."  There are no expectations.  With nobody watching, it is easy to be yourself.  I will think of myself that way, as a stranger, wherever I go for the rest of the weekend at least.  And in a week, I will be, adrift in New Mexico where nobody knows me.  Liberated from identity, I will see what I can do. 

The sunny morning just turned gray.  It suits me fine, I think.  I bought a gallon of Arnold Palmer last night at the grocery store.  Really.  They sell it by the gallon.  This weekend, I will try to make some green tea concoctions, too.  See what even a little travel can do?