Originally Posted Friday, May 17, 2013
Not only are more college students hooking up -- kissing, making out and having sex -- but these experiences often leave them feeling empty, sad and regretful, author Donna Freitas argues. . . (in her new book, "The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy."
It seems the statement of a crazy person. How can more of them be doing it? I was under the impression that that is why you go to college in the first place--I mean to feel empty, sad, and regretful, of course. If the coursework is any good at all, that is, you should be stripped of all the notions your parents filled you with for an entire lifetime. College isn't the place to reinforce community standards; it is a place to improve them. Coming home from college for the holidays, students should be prepared to piss of their families at the dinner table. Of a sudden, kids are armed with ideas supported by evidence their parents haven't read or maybe even heard of before.
O.K. I really mean the sex part. I had my first sexual experience in college. Yes, yes, I am one of those. I knew I had condemned myself right away. I would go to hell for this. An existential one, sure. I knew I'd have to take this girl out and be seen with her. I was mortified.
We were together for eight years. She was the sweetest girl in the world and we should never have broken up.
I've been trying to give college girls their first sexual experience ever since.
That is a joke. I've had fewer sexual partners than most eighteen year olds. I wanted to write "human," but I was afraid it wouldn't go over well. But I am a romantic and sex and emotion are intertwined. I am like D.H. Lawrence in this (well, I think I am, anyway) who thought that any sex was O.K. as long as the emotional connection was there. Such relationships build you up, fill you in positive ways. In his novels, characters who have meaningless, unfulfilling sex turn out empty and ruined.
But I don't trust Freitas argument for a simple reason: her evidence comes from self-reporting. People tend to feel empty, sad and regretful, I think, when asked to self-reflect. It is a terrible experience for most people--not us here, of course, for we are the thoughtful, contemplative types and are far from the norm. Most people, however, are not like us. And even we, here at the cafe, tend to get lonesome, sad, and blue.
I will read her book, perhaps, so I can begin to deconstruct it. I'll find her main assumption and define the situation by privileging the opposite viewpoint. I probably won't have to, though. I'm sure many critics who make their living doing so have already begun.
Sex is sex. It brings people together and it spreads awful diseases. What can you do? Not even priests can stay celibate. My advice is simple: No Regrets. It is a negative and unproductive emotion and nothing good ever comes from it.
Shit. I wish I hadn't written that.
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