Uttering

Nothing of interest.  Nothing interests me now but, perhaps, sleep.  I've already tired of the new girl.  No. . . I've tired of myself, of the effort it takes and would take to make myself seem attractive.  I am not.  It has been awhile since I have been, I think.  I do mean physically.  That is what matters.  Everything else is trivial.  Go ahead, argue if you will, but you who have lost some physical grace and beauty must know what I mean.  It is embarrassing.  This is surely why I stay home.  I hate to be seen limping, withered, becoming that thing.  All around me my peers are going blind and deaf and being treated for bad hearts and prostates.  Some drop dead.  My younger friends disappoint me and get older and it is their children I am attracted to.  Soon it will be the grandchildren, no?  I am suffering now, too, from being so proud so long of my physical abilities.  The bad thing about challenging young men and walking away in victory is that soon you are old and they are not.  Then the paranoia begins.  You know they will kill you as soon as they see the weakness.  I am certain that I am on the cusp of suffering retribution the next time I charm some young man's girlfriend.

O.K.  I just had to say that.  This is my journal, goddamn it.  I have to be able to write this somewhere.  You needn't believe it. . . literally.  It is figurative writing and I will find ways to overcome everything.  Time and death will not prevail.  I've learned of ice baths and oil pulling.  Doctors don't tell you about such things because you wouldn't need them anymore.  They are corrupt and evil capitalists.  Either that or they are stupid.  Look at these sites and tell me it is not simple to be healthy and to live forever.

http://oilpulling.com/

http://www.icemanwimhof.com/science

Clearly, this is SCIENCE!  

In truth, the charming woman I've spoken of is becoming a certified yoga instructor and knows of these things.  Also of astrology and numerology.  I wish I believed in the devil.   I would make a very certain deal.  

Oh. . . and what I have not said to my friend who told me of the ice baths and to whom I give the world of grief just to nonplus her is that I know that Mae West did this forever.  A quick Google search turned up nothing, but I remember reading when I was young that every morning she had young men pack her naked body in a tub of ice.  I seem to remember a picture that accompanied the article.  This was around the time she starred in "Myra Breckenridge" with Raquel Welch.  They did not get along, and Welch was upset that West wore a black and white gown that upstaged her red dress.  Something like that.  People said West stole the show from Welch, but I saw this film in 1970 when it was released and not since.  I confuse much of the film with "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" which came out at the same time.  The very weirdness of life was beginning to have its effect on me by then.  

If I can find some young girls who are willing, I will have them pack me in ice each morning and I will stay there until I am finished pulling oil.  

O.K.  I warned you.  Nothing of interest.  If you are looking for literature, you can go read the volumes written by our new Poet Laureate, Charles Wright.  If you are o.k. with the uttering of a paranoid, semi-literate lunatic with a good eye for pictures. . . .  Personally, I prefer uttering.