Missing Things

Originally Posted Monday, September 23, 2013

The first day of autumn caught me unaware.  The equinox.  I pay so little attention to things any longer that I miscalculated the day.  Evermore I loose connections.  Full moons, seasons, years. . . .  I love that it is autumn, though.  The sun comes up in the south again and sets in the north.  There is a quality of light and shadow. 

I didn't make a picture yesterday as I had promised.  But I did make dinner for my mother who told me it was fall.

"You make dinner for your mother every Sunday, don't you?" asked a rascal at the bar where I ate brunch with a friend. 

"It is well known," I said. 

"Man, you'll go to heaven for that." 

"If that is all it took, everybody would be making dinner for their mothers," I said. 

So I grilled two pounds of top sirloin and steamed asparagus and jasmine rice.  She made the avocado and tomato salad (with my touch of lime juice and a drizzle of honey on top). 

It doesn't feel like autumn here in the sub-tropics, of course.  The windows are beaded with moisture against the coolness of the air conditioning.  But the light has changed.  It does that of a sudden. 

I need to change as well.  This autism that was simply ennui but which has evolved through sickness and pain needs curing.  There are things.  Saturday's outing for shrimp and grits and two buckets of steamed mussels and cocktails called Steam Rollers (substitute gin) with a pretty friend.  And still, as twisted and miserable as I am, an improbably pretty young girl who has a crush, though that may be part of the problem as it reminds me of what I will be missing someday. . . .

Carpe diem those liars said.  I want to seize tomorrow.