The New Old

Originally Posted Saturday, January 25, 2014

I sit in an early morning fog waiting for the house repairman to come do some things he was supposed to do months ago.  He called me just before dawn.  ???!!! 

"Do you want me to come over this morning?"

"Are you lonesome or what?" 

I value my mornings and feel cheated out of the weekend already.  I will not be able to do what I want to do which is everything but sit here while he does house repairs and talks about his recent divorce. 

Fuck--he should get a blog. 

I read an article today that said the gap between the young and the old was growing like the gap between the rich and the poor.  That is clever.  She deemed it the "New Young" and the "New Old."  I've pointed out this gap many times over the last few years, but I think the monikers are nice.  Justin Bieber vs. Michael Douglas, two out of three falls, a fifty-minute time limit.  And that girl, what's her name, you know, the Twerker. . . vs. Madonna.  Or perhaps a special tag-team match. 

I never tire of the young.  They are so clever and pretty.  They do, though, tire of me.  I am not.  I should hate them for it, of course, but it is not their fault.  It is just this Goddamned American Dystopian Dream.  No it's not.  I just wanted to use that phrase and didn't have anywhere to put it.  I can't remember what to blame it on.  It has something to do with nature, I think, but we are so far removed from that that the entire south gets to live while being overweight, asthmatic, diabetic, etc.  They have little scooters to get them around the grocery store and air tanks with plastic tubes feeding them a stream of O2 enriched air.  Why should the New Young hate that? 

In truth, old people remind us of our unfortunate destiny (if we are fortunate).  Time's crazy logic--gaining is losing.  I try to be a good role model by staying fit, living large, and screwing the occasional teenager just to prove I can.  The kids love it.  They're always coming over asking me if I can buy them beer. 

I'm kidding, of course. But you know what I mean.  In a natural world, I'd have been eaten by tigers already.  A young buck would have kicked my ass and I'd be banished to the outer edges of the tribe if I was allowed to stay at all.  Our entire social hierarchy is unnatural.  If it were not, I would walk across the street and take that little haughty wimps Tesla hybrid from him.  I don't want it, but I don't like him. I would just do it for fun.  Like Justin Bieber, I'd egg his house and then drive his car as fast as it would go.  Now that's nature. 

Obviously I had nothing to say today.  I spent three hours getting beautified yesterday then came home and ate alone watching the first episode of "Banshee" on Cinemax.  And now my repairman's here.  I guess I'll go do that.