Patriotic Fervor

Originally Posted Wednesday, July 2, 2014

O.K.  Lift those skirts to the Belgians, boys.  You got your asses kicked.  Q, sorry old chum.  Nadja will be sending her Belgian tea forthcoming.  It was fun, though, wasn't it?

I left work early so I could go to the gym and get in a workout before I got on the couch in the cool darkness of the t.v. room to drink beer and watch the Belgium/USA World Cup Match.  Only I drank sake.  I know, it is not traditional, but it seemed to call to me.  I drank sake and when that was gone what was left of a Pinot Grigio and for ninety minutes watched the U.S. get its asses handed to them.  The game's commentators were jumping up and down about how many goals the goal keeper saved.  All I could think was, "Hey. . . why don't we play on the other end of the field for awhile."  I don't know much about soccer, but I know that you can't score goals from your own side of the field.  That just doesn't make any sense.  And then in overtime, two quick Belgian goals made me switch to whiskey.  Over, I thought, but the U.S. had some miracle goal suddenly and there were ten minutes of real soccer left to play.  For the first time all day, the U.S. played on the right end of the field.  It didn't matter that they were inept.  Mistakes happen.  Somebody might accidentally bump the ball into the net.  Those last ten minutes were fun. 

After the game, I watched the BBC News.  Funny enough, they had a big story on U.S. soccer.  I thought that only in the U.S. was this big news.  But the British reporter was interviewing fans from a stadium in Chicago where 30,000 people turned out to watch the game on the jumbotrons.  And here is what got me.  They all thought the U.S. team deserved to win.  ?????!!!!!  They really deserved to lose by about eleven goals. 

Americans will pretty much stop watching soccer now.  And "Men in Blazers." 

Bring back the real sports.  Especially NASCAR.  There is nothing more American than that.  Go fast and never turn right.  Simple. 

Speaking of which. . . tomorrow is Independence Day, my favorite holiday.  There is nothing I like more than going to a park on a brutally hot day to eat hot dogs and hamburgers with screaming kids while a color guard flanks military men and cheap local officials who speak about the spirit of democracy before nightfall when we can start blowing things up.  Fireworks and NASCAR.  Am I right?  Am I?  I swear to God, there I get a chill in my bones.  THIS is exactly what the Founding Fathers had in mind Four Score and Seven Years Ago. . . no. . . whatever.