Getting Your Money's Worth

Originally Posted Tuesday, September 16, 2014

My mother came to dinner Sunday as usual.  She has gotten quite good at drinking wine.  I let her finish the bottle then put her in the car and tell her to drive carefully.  So who am I to criticize anyone? 

During dinner, she told me that a man had knocked on her door.  He noticed that her lawn was dying and that there was some sort of moss taking over.  He said he had a chemical that he could spray that would kill it. 

My mother told him, "My niece told me to spray Clorox bleach on it.  She said that would kill it." 

"Oh no Mam, the only thing that will kill that moss is this.  I'll cover your whole yard for $35," he told her, so she let him do it. 

About an hour later he was back at the door. 

"Hey, listen, I've been talking to some of your neighbors and I'm going to be here tomorrow with a tiller.  I can cut up those oak roots if you want and put in some grass plugs.  I'll only charge you $85."

My mother told me that he would be there Monday morning.  She had already paid him. 

"No he won't be," I told her.  Jesus.  It was like something out of "The Andy Griffith Show."  "He probably just sprayed water on your lawn.  Why'd you pay him before he did the work?" 

She looked at me.  "It seemed like a good deal," she said. 

Yesterday she emailed me.  "You were right.  He didn't show up.  The fellow across the street paid him $75, too.  We feel stupid." 

I called her later. 

"I hope I'm not becoming one of those old ladies people take advantage of."

"I think you just qualified," I said.  "Quit talking to strangers." 

My mother and her neighbor got ripped off because they thought they were going to get a good deal.  That is the easiest way to steal from people.  Whenever I see a "good deal," I turn the other way.  Good deals are never that.  Nope. Go for the most expensive one, or at least the second.  My house repair guy is expensive.  He rips me off, but at least I get good work.  I've had people who do the work cheaper, but the work is never really very good.  The Wrecking Crew (the cleaning company I hire), are cheap, but I never get my money's worth.  I should fire them, of course, but "good help is so hard to find these days." 

I bought a rug from Ikea for the kitchen.  That was a mistake.  It is rubbish. 

I bought an expensive 19th century Persian nomadic tribal rug for the living room.  That, my friends, was a good investment. 

My mother has always scrimped on quality in order to get things cheaper.  When she comes back from one of the bulk stores with groceries, the cans of food are out of date or close to it.  She buys cheap chocolate and then has to eat bags of it to get anything close to flavor.  When I was a kid, my clothes always came from Montgomery Wards, and I only got four shirts and four pairs of pants.  My mother did laundry on Saturdays (at the laundromat), so I had to pick a day when I wore something I'd already worn.  I remind her of that a couple times a year.  "Well," she'll say as if that were its own defense.  "When I was a kid. . . ."  She was a depression-era girl and did have it rough.

Not that I dress well.  But with limited resources, you have to make choices.  So with clothes, I'd rather do without and spend the money on food and drink.  All I'm saying is I am right and my mother is wrong.  You will have to choose for yourself, but I am warning you that the only really good deals cost a lot of money.  Trust me.  I'm an artist almost.