Shocking

I've lost all interest in anything but health right now.  I am still having some "issues" that make me think dark things.  I am mercurial when I feel well and catatonic when I don't.  That is me, my nature.  Love me or forget me.  I think there are few people as much among the living when I feel the way I have almost all my life.  Having an illness, any kind at all, is a true and terrifying shock. 

I was sick a lot as a kid.  I got everything and then another helping.  In high school, I had a variety of hospital stays including one for Hong Kong flu.  I had thee operations for a pilonidal cyst when I was in my teens which demanded long period of bed rest.  I always had troubles with my sinuses. 

And then, like Teddy Roosevelt, I changed my mind.  I decided I wouldn't be sick any more.  I just gave it up--quit.  I became a vegetarian and started running and working out.  And it worked to the extent that I thought anyone who got sick did so voluntarily.  And that is when I quit going to doctors.  I realized that the more often I went to a doctor, the more often I didn't feel good.  Take care of yourself, I thought.  That is all you have.  I stayed very healthy for decades.  Even now, when I go to the hospital and get all the tests, they tell me I am very healthy.  And of course, I looked at them ironically through hurting, sickly eyes. 

I don't take chemical medicines.  I don't take Tylenol or Advil or use allergy medication of any kind.  I'll use herbs and vitamins and fish oils and ginger, etc.  I try to rely on my body to heal.  I never take antibiotics unless I have something life-threatening.  In the past few years, I've been on some heavy, bad antibiotics.  And I think it has had many deleterious effects, but without them, I could have died.  That, at least, is what I was told. 

I am surprised by the latest thing.  It is the sort of stuff that happens to other people, people who aren't healthy.  Now, suddenly, I hear what other people are saying about their health.

Holy smokes!  There are a lot of people dealing with terrible things.  I've been especially interested in digestive systems, of course.  I tell people what I went to the hospital for and suddenly the room is full of Celiac and Krones and esophageal and other upper g.i. problems.  One fellow at the factory has acid reflux so badly that he has to drink prescription anti-acids all the time.  They only work for a couple years, and then he has to switch to another kind.  His stomach cells are moving up his esophagus and replacing the normal ones.  He has to be monitored constantly for the impending cancer.  One woman has had her colon trimmed three times for the same thing I have.  Another fellow has some ring in his esophagus that sometimes closes when he swallows.  Food gets stuck between his stomach and his throat and won't move.  Oh, said another fellow, my father has that. 

How do they go on?  I'm a paranoid mess if I miss one poop.  But I have to say, hearing all of this has made me extremely paranoid.  I feel like I'm walking on broken glass.  Jesus, everything can go wrong.  And they all have different doctors for different things.  Many, many doctors. 

I read today about the many Superbugs that are plaguing India, bacteria that are completely immune to antibiotics.  You can scare yourself by reading here.  And here is another piece of good news (link). 

This morning, in my paranoid state, I have determined to eat little but to eat Mediterranean.  Fruits, vegetables, nuts, grains, and fish.  Yum. 

We'll see.  Like everyone, I just want to feel good.  I get a check up on my knee tomorrow.  It seems to be healing fine.  I hope to be running again soon.  That will cure everything, of course.  Whatever. 

I just want to return to being a hero.