How It Is

I'm a terrible wreck of a man right now, but I am going to straighten myself out.  I promise.  Today I woke to a cool, bright morning, the temperature in the low fifties, the sky turning blue.  A day like this is a promise. 

I am bad morning company.  The worst, really.  I have routinized myself, though I think of it more as ritual.  I am usually alone and haven't a morning voice.  Who does, really? 

I may not even be good evening company when I think of it.  I like to snuggle, get rubbed, fall asleep.  

The more I think about it, the more I think I am not fit company in any way at all.  I am best as a disembodied voice or, perhaps,  a voiceless body.  The two don't seem to work well in tandem. 

Jesus, I'm depressing myself. 

I don't think I told you that my phone was found.  I got a call from someone who said he was a police officer.  He called because I had wiped my phone with the "find my iPhone" app.  What appeared when the phone was turned on was a message that said this phone had been lost or stolen and to call the number I had left.  It was my office phone at the factory.  The call came just minutes after I left to go and buy the new phone.  But it is weird.  The officer left no call back number, only the address of the place where the phone was being held by a vendor.  It is in a very shady part of town.  I have done some research into the place and have gotten the phone number of the vendor, but my calls always go to voicemail and the voice mailbox is always full.  I will drive there today to see what's up.  Somehow it seems like a setup, but I can't figure out what the setup would be.  It is just weird.  I'll let you know. 

I will try to quit drinking for awhile.  My hands will shake and I'll get the twitches, I think, but I will counter that with yoga and teas.  So I say here in the morning.  Night, however, could be a different thing. 

O.K.  I have been delayed today.  This is all I have.  That is how it is sometimes.  It is just how it is.