Misery Won

(from the studio)

I was wrong.  There isn't anything new in that.  I am miserable.  I won the bid on the Leica M Monochrom.  I got it for a ridiculously low bid.  The auction ended yesterday at happy hour, so I guess nobody was looking.  The ridiculously low bid is still expensive.  I feel myself an impoverished fool right now.  I have a billion cameras.  I will sell some of them on eBay to try to recoup some money, I tell myself.  If I don't like the new Leica, I will just put it up for sale.  I haven't lost the money.  I've simply invested it for awhile. 

No matter what I tell myself, though, the price gets conflated with what I am spending on the bathroom repair/redesign.  I am convinced that I will never use the camera.  I still have the Leica M7.  I don't know what I was thinking. 

And there was the inevitable argument.  Love is never perfect.  Friday night gone wrong.  Saturday morning regret and dread.  The uncertain future. 

Q is using the same phone app for his blog now that I have been using.  It is a cool Hipstamatic filter that makes things look like wet plate work.  I love the Hipstamatic filters and I love cell phone photography.  But I will have to quit using it now. 

The morning is awkward.  The day is graying.  There is a decided dread or doom or at least lack of joy pulsing through my cells that I don't believe music will resolve.  That trepidation and undecidedness and that miserable blank void at the pit of things.  I wish it were otherwise. 

At least I have the Leica.