I've left the factory for the rest of the year. I couldn't face going in again without breaking apart, breaking down. I sit here this morning making the adjustment. Too many days of being an automaton leaves me off kilter. I will have to learn how to be "me" again.
It begins with a day of cleaning.
My study is a mess of photo shit. I will be playing host to my mother on Christmas Eve as she and Ili have planned their pajama party, so I must turn it into a habitat bedroom again.
I just want to walk with my camera in hand and get big balls for photographing people.
I guess I can't say "big balls" anymore. Pictures, however, reveal I had them as a child. I could post an example here if I had one readily at hand.
There is a reason they neuter dogs.
My pictures seem beautiful and meaningless to me. Little droppings in and of time. Bracketed. Insignificant. Monumental.
I am enamored with the foolishness of the past. Funny thing, I read today that Trump is now more popular than Hillary even with his 35% approval rating. Hillary gave us Trump. Trump gave us #MeToo. In a sense, Hillary won.
I have to go Christmas shopping now. Amazon. Must do it today in order to get things in time. Inevitably, I will buy things for myself as well. It is easier to buy for myself, of course. Today begins my Christmas season.
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