The Irrevocable

I am going to my mother's in a bit to cook dinner.  Days alone are long.  I did what should have been a lot today.  I got up too early, went back to bed, got up again and went to the gym, took a long walk, came home and put on a pot of oatmeal and took a shower, cut a grapefruit, ate, then took my car to the carwash after which I went to the grocery store for some things.

And then it was noon.

I started straightening up the mess in my house and burned a bunch of old financial reports, then organized my new papers, tax documents, etc.

Mid-afternoon.

So I started in on the boxes of books and took some to the garage, then began on the photos and negatives, but I felt a bit overwhelmed, so I quit.

Three.

I poured a scotch and called my mother and made my evening meal plans.

I did even more than I am reporting.  I pulled some weeds and went through my bank statements online, called to pay a bill then another.  Now I sit in the hipster coffee shop just because I was losing my mind alone in the house.  It has only been two days and I know I have to get a plan.

Tonight after dinner with my mother, I will experiment with some photos.  I have some ideas.  They may or may not work.  But I will put on some music that Q sent me and see how it all turns out.

I think I am still waiting.  Once I lose hope and quit waiting, maybe I'll get on with things.  But I am afraid to move anything, put things out of their normal place, disturb the old universe.  I hold my breath.  I wait.  I will wait a bit longer, but I can't wait forever.  Once we do a thing, it can't be undone.  I am not ready to do the irrevocable yet.

*.  *.  *.  

Later on that same day, I watched the Art of the Union message delivered by Trump.  It was the anti-halftime show.  It was Obama through the looking glass.  It was, in C.C.'s words, a Wild West Extravaganza.  From beginning to end, it was quite a show.  Pelosi tearing up the speech at the end was terrible theater.  It just reminds us that Democrats are no fun.  And there was Kavanaugh with a silly smile reminding us of the fun  that "boys and girls drinking beer" have.

Remember the Alamo.