Hate and Fear

I have had a pleasant past two days.  I put on my mask and went grocery shopping.  Oh. . . I had forgotten the joys of Fresh Market.  I hadn't even known some of them.  Since I am free, I was able to go at a slow hour.  The store was fairly empty.  I got to peruse the produce, pick through the meats, buy some bread and breakfast loafs, get yogurt and cheeses.  I hadn't been since the last time Ili and I had gone, however, and there was a sadness there.  Then Publix, the all-purpose store.  A new toothbrush, some canned goods and bags of beans.  It was more crowded and not as much fun.  Still, I won't need to go for a very long time.

It reminded me of normal.

I went to my mother's house with beer at the appropriate time.  It was fun, then the storm blew in.  Rain, sure, but lightening like you wouldn't believe.  I have been hit indirectly by lightening twice.  Neither time was fun.  I have been at 17,000 feet in a whiteout in an electrical storm with nowhere to hide.  I am not a fan of lightening.

When I came home, I made a fantastic dinner and turned on the news.  That was a mistake.  CNN.  It was all about the Minnesota killing and riots.  You are either on one side or the other, it seems.  Everything is polarized.  But I am not the type.  I hate both sides.  I watched it all, but then I felt horrendous.

I cleaned up to the news.

I am tired of the word "community."  I am tired of emotional arguments.  I am tired of white people and black people.  How can you stand on one side or the other?  It is idiotic.

I'd rather slice my cucumber and dab a bit of my privileged bleu cheese on it.  I'd rather nibble at a date nut roll.

Hell, I'd rather eat my Ruffles Cheddar Cheese Chips.

I can't fix anything.  I've tried my whole life.  It doesn't work.  Now I'm lucky to just move along.

The rain continues to fall.  My house is a mess and only money will fix it, but I no longer work and have that income.  If I can't fix it, it may not get done.  And even if I can, it mightn't.

I've been beaten by black people for being white.  I've been beaten by white people for being for civil rights.  I am on a federal watchlist for being a radical.  Nobody likes me.

As The Wicked Witch of the West opines, "What a world."

Yup.  What a world.

.*.*.*.

I woke to a world worse off than when I went to bed.  Now they are arresting journalists in the street. Trump fuels hate and fear.  It seems to be all there is now, hate and fear.

This is not shaping up to be a good year.