Walking Backwards

I got this message from Blogger after posting yesterday:

Hello,

As you may know, our Community Guidelines describe the boundaries for what we allow-- and don't allow-- on Blogger. Your post titled "Dirty Pink on a Quiet Night" was flagged to us for review. This post was put behind a warning for readers because it contains sensitive content; the post is visible at https://carnivaleselah.blogspot.com/2025/04/dirty-pink-on-quiet-night.html. Your blog readers must acknowledge the warning before being able to read the post/blog.

"You may have the option to pursue your claims in court. If you have legal questions or wish to examine legal options that may be available to you, you may want to consult with your own legal counsel."

Sincerely,


The Blogger Team

WT f'ing F?!?  I can't figure out why that post got flagged.  It is probably one of the gentlest posts I have written.  If anybody can find the "sensitive content," let me know.  If not, I guess I'll have to consult with my own legal counsel.  

Which is a drag because she has Xed me out of her life.  I could use her now for sure.  Not for the silly Blogger post, but for myriad other things.  But she has moved onward and upward as have most.  Of course my megawealthy girlfriend was already up.  My ex-wife is now married to a wealthy developer and is consorting with the uber class.  Sky and Q are driving in the reserved lanes, and I'm stuck in traffic.  I have a hundred year old house in the Sunshine and Hurricane State which is only smart if you are part of the BBC, but the house is too small for such consideration.  Every day now, my income shrinks, and I wonder how long it will be before I am living in a trailer park retirement community.  

I feel like I'm walking backwards.

Oh. . . but I'll have my books.  Ha!  I'm not sure how well that has served me.  I don't know how to fix a goddamned thing.  I don't know shit about money.  

But, you know. . . I have the gift of gab!

I'm still reading McCarthy's "The Passenger."  Yea, I know.  It is taking me awhile.  But I have committed myself to reading again now that the Golden Age of Television has really come to an end, and I can tell you, even late, the boy could still write.  I'm reading hardback copies, but I wish I was reading on Kindle for one reason.  I am underlining passages in the book, but if I want to share them here, I have to find them and type them out.  With the Kindle, though, it is just a swipe of the finger.  

The protagonist of the novel is the brother of Alicia Western who dominates the novel "Stella Maris."  The two novels are companion pieces, but I am reading them in the wrong order.  It is O.K.  I don't think it really matters.  The sister is in love with her older brother.  He is more conflicted.  Do they sleep together?  You'll have to read to find out.  I think, however, that it is a delicious conundrum.  Now that McCarthy is dead, we know about the affair with his young lover that has gotten him cancelled in certain arenas.  Not mine.  No creative genius plays by the rules.  Rules are made to control the dolts and their average offspring.  They are not for the high of mind and the wild at heart.  Life's great adventure involves the tasting of forbidden fruit.  

Not that it leads to happiness.  

Brother Western was a race car driver who was in a terrible crash which brought him close to death.  It is a small but central part of the novel's action.  

"You almost died."

"I wish I had."

Yea, man. . . I know what you mean.  In my experience, nothing is ever as good after the crash.  

His sister, a mathematical genius who adores him, commits suicide.  

Like I said. . . .

I couldn't sleep a wink last night, not after two o'clock, anyway.  Everything that could hurt on a body did.  My nose was an open tap.  Something was tickling my face every time I'd begin to fall back asleep.  Knees, hips, shoulders, neck. . . wtf?  

Today I must take my mother to the doctor at 12:30 and then to therapy at 4:00.  That is my day.  We will get lunch somewhere.  I will drive her car and take it through the carwash.  Maybe we will go to the hardware store.  

But what dark spell was working on me in the night?  

Oh, but I had a couple of good days.  Last night, I made boiled shrimp and yellow rice for my mother.  This time, I put chopped pimento olives in the rice.  Holy smokes, why have I waited so long?  The salad was an Asian Cole slaw.  I drank most of a bottle of wine.  

The weather has been perfect.  Everyone says so.  But it is not normal.  That is the thing they are not saying.  

Hey. . . I have an idea.  Let's listen to some music.  While we are listening, I will find an image to post.  It won't be mine.  I don't want to get in trouble with the censors today.  Something just a little naughty, maybe incestuous.   

The music, too.